CHINA'S SPACE PROGRAM — COPY-PASTE AND PRAY EDITION
You know you're in trouble when your moon landers come with a watermark that says
“Made in NASA.”
Let’s break it down:
Slow Like a Zhurong Rover
- China landed a rover on Mars in 2021 and… nothing since.
- Zhurong is currently ghosting everyone like a failed relationship.
- Chang’e missions? Great job on robotic landings… 15 years after everyone else.
️ Stealth Mode? Or Just Not Saying Anything?
- Zero transparency.
- No real-time broadcasts.
- And good luck finding a real launch failure—those don’t exist when the truth is optional.
Innovation? What’s That?
- Tianhe? Suspiciously like Mir.
- Long March? Looks like someone borrowed the Soviet rocket blueprint and said, “Ctrl + C, Ctrl + V.”
- Their new rocket? “Long March 9” = SLS ripoff with extra steps.
Billion-Dollar Budget, Paper-Thin Plans
- Space stations are cool, but have you tried building one with actual life support systems?
- And where’s their Artemis-level deep space crew capsule? Nowhere. Just PowerPoints and CGI trailers.
Crewed Moon Landing? Maybe in 2030. Or 2040. Or…
- They say they’ll land taikonauts by 2030.
- At this rate, Artemis IV will be building Starbucks on the Moon before China even shows up.
In short:
China has potential. But they're playing a
scripted campaign while the U.S. is grinding
sandbox mode in hard difficulty with multiplayer (ESA, JAXA, CSA).
And if anyone says “but they’re the second nation to land on the far side of the Moon”—
Just ask:
“Cool. So when are the taikonauts landing?”
