Before the beginning, there was a duality. A pair of beings of near unlimited power, Space Stig and The Legman. Both sustained by the proto-element Cof-Te, a Ying/Yang arrangement of Chaos and Order.
In a time before time was counted, they existed in balance. Like all things should be.
And for a time beyond comprehension, it was good.
But as things are want to do, Good can not last forever. Balance must be restored, so Bad must arrive to facilitate.
Bad spawned a problem. Whilst both beings understood the need for the Cof-Te, both disliked one vital aspect of its consumption.
The Taste.
Legman preferred the softer, leafy taste, and argued vehemently to alter the balance towards Te. Space Stig, although disliking the taste as well, understood that balance was key. Also, he had no particular liking for Te, enjoying the earthly grains and sharper tones of the Cof.
It was during one of these arguments that the Event happened and created the future as we know it.
The words turned into shouts. Which became a scuffle and finally outright confrontation. Un-reality shivered from the forces unleashed during such titanic conflict, but eventually Space Stig gained control of the Cof-Te and tried to reason with the Legman. His words only enraged the beast. And so Legman summoned his most devastating attack, the Roundhouse Kick, an unstoppable force delivered using a leg of infinite length. Space Stig, using the Cof-Te as a shield, was only barely able to absorb so powerful a blow
The strike hit with such force that it created the known Universe, accelerating all matter at the speed of light for all time in all directions. Infinite space formed between and around the two beings, creating a rift of time and space not easily crossed, even by ones of their stature.
The larger consequence though was soon realised as Space Stig recovered and looked at the element in his hands.
Split down the centre, the Cof-Te had come apart into the 2 beverage stones, The Tea and the Coffee. Also, millions of shards of each had spalled off the Cof-Te during its fracture and ended up scattered all over the newly formed Universe.
Legman, stranded on the wrong side of this newly formed place and thirsty for the Tea he so desperately wanted, started ransacking space and time and began collecting the Tea shards, searching for Space Stig and the Tea Stone. But there was one problem though. To make The Tea, you need Water. The heat from the strike had evaporated all the water from his domain, leaving him unable to make The Tea. The longer he went without drinking Tea, the more angry he became and over millions of years transformed into The Nightmare Legman, a creature of depthless rage and thirst.
Meanwhile, Space Stig wandered the new-born Universe. He was similarly looking for the shards of Coffee so he could re-form the Coffee Stone. After a while of marvelling at its beauty, he decided to alter it slightly. Using his abilities and the stones in his possession, he created a balance of Chaos and Order. Seemingly random events, happening for a reason. Hence was born The Maths and The Physics, his trusted companions that would help him to control and delegate his powers of Force, Mass and Acceleration within the Universe.
On his travels, he happened to pass by a region of space that had unusually high levels of Tea and Coffee shards. This however was not the only thing special about the area. It also contained the most precious substance of all. The Water. So high were these levels, that most Chaotic of Orders was created.
Life.
He named this place after the taste of his beverage.
Earth.
Realising the importance of Earth as not only the bastion of Life in this new Universe, but also the dangers of it and its water falling into the reach of Legman, he became its protector. Much later, as Life became more complex, intelligent and curious (that greatest sign of intelligence), he manifested as a normal inhabitant and assumed the greater role of guide and teacher, shaping that curiosity and its future through both direct and indirect means. The Maths and The Physics assisted as they always would in all matters and from that, the Forum was born.
And for a time, it was also good.
But as things are want to do, Good can not last forever. Balance must be restored, so Bad must arrive to facilitate.
Bad, in the shape of The Legman, now in his Nightmare form.
He had sensed the Tea stone. But more importantly, Earth had all the Water he would ever need. Thirsty, and with his rage growing ready to boil the Water, he tore into the Solar System seeking what he believed was his. But Space Stig had been preparing for this day for a long time, and had formulated a strategy.
He knew he couldn't let Legman near the planet. His rage would flash boil the oceans and scour the surface clean of all life. Also, as a source of infinite energy that must always be conserved, he knew he couldn't destroy the Legman. But through his own powers, Force, Mass and Acceleration and using the companions of Maths and Physics, he had a different solution.
Legman couldn't be destroyed. But he could be converted, transformed, slowed down over time.
Thus, the First and Second great plans were initiated. Using the Forum as a wellspring, the combined powers of the Maths and the Physics converted enormous swathes of the messages into a huge barricade just past the orbit of Jupiter, sacrificing thousands of whEn UpDAte into a pointless question of infinite mass to slow the Legmans acceleration as he attempted to force his way through.
This was the first plan, and although a great sacrifice was made, more, much more was required to turn the tide.
Because the first plan was only there to buy time to enact the second plan.
And the second required the Likes. All of the Likes.
The cost was heavy, but the stakes were higher still. The Forum itself became the focal mirror for the defence of all things and as the preparations came into full swing, there was a great blackout to outsiders so Space Stig and his companions, aided by Jimbot and many others, could complete the task they had envisioned so long ago. The Likes were channelled through the Stones, which allowed him to emit such a concentrated wave (and particle) of energy that it struck Legman with enough force to reverse his momentum entirely, directing him away from the Solar System to other areas of the Universe so as to distract him to locate Tea from elsewhere.
Victory over Legman had been achieved. But at great cost, and only temporarily. The wHeN UPdaTe is depleted, the Likes gone.
But, Earth survived, the Tea and Coffee are safe and the Forum still stands.
And from this, Space Stig still maintains his watchful eye on the Solar System, guiding life whilst ever vigilant to the tell tale signs of the Legmans' inevitable return.
